


The Secret

by jamie_lin



Series: The Secret [1]
Category: Asian American LGBTQ+ Fiction
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 10:00:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20424095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamie_lin/pseuds/jamie_lin
Summary: Red and Blue have been friends for over 5 years in a popular online game. But, everything changes after they meet. They are both keeping a secret from each other and their hearts locked. How will they overcome obstacles from society, friends, and family to admit their love for each other? Enjoy reading a forbidden romance story between two friends. Neither willing to admit their affection out of fear, both emotionally drowning in their secrets.





	The Secret

Being in a staring contest with someone you love sucks because I always lose.

“Ok, you’re breaking my heart. Please don’t give me that face of betrayal look. It’s hard enough as it is to be away from you for the weekend!”

Ichigo licks my face and whimpers like a child inseparable from his mother. I give my pomsky one last kiss on the nose before I hand him over to the caretakers at the doggy daycare.

Since he was a pup, Ichigo has been there for me, through all my breakups and bad days. It’s a bit hard to leave him all alone with strangers for the weekend, but I’m super excited to finally get away from Hawaii. Everyone thinks Hawaii is some sort of paradise, but you don’t really get to know a place until you live there.

Similarly, you don’t really get to know someone from an online game until you meet them in real life. I’ve known a player named ‘Blue’ for about 5 years now and we’ve become very close friends ingame, but I still feel like I don’t really know him.

Blue never revealed much about his personal life outside of posting food photos in guild chat. So, when I announced in guild chat I’d be visiting California for a gaming convention and Blue private messaged me asking if I wanted to meetup, I was shocked. We agree to meet at a cafe near the airport.

In the past 5 years grouping with Blue, I sort of developed a fangirl crush on him. I’d feel a sense of emptiness in my heart whenever I logged into the game and he wasn’t online.

But, after I board my flight and settle into my seat, reality sinks in. I’m trusting a complete stranger I met online in a game to not turn out to be some psychopathic serial killer. There was no way someone who posted food pics in guild chat was a murderer.

“Right?”

I stare at the bag of honey roasted peanuts in my hand, but the inanimate object doesn’t reply back to me. I can’t believe I’m having a mental conversation with a bag of peanuts. Ripping open the bag, I nibble on the snack to calm my nerves.

My flight finally arrives in San Francisco and I make my way to the public transit station. Unfortunately, I forget to get off at my stop and the train starts to go backwards towards San Francisco. I swear out loud and everyone sitting near me turns to look at me.

“Fuck!”

I grab my phone and message Blue to tell him I’ll be late. But, it turns out Blue was also stuck in traffic and he was also going to be late.

After that embarrassing mistake, I finally arrive at the correct station and make my way to the cafe. Blue isn’t there yet, so I grab a quick bite to eat. After a while, I receive a message from Blue.

“Where are you? I’m sitting at the table next to the front entrance. Finding parking was a bitch, so I parked on the street.”

It feels like a million butterflies are fluttering around in my stomach and I’m not even sure what to message back. I quickly stuff the last couple bites of my sandwich into my mouth, but I have to remind myself to chew, not inhale, so I don’t get hiccups.

While making my way over to the entrance, each step I take feels like my legs are made of jello. I reach for my pocket and take out my phone to send a final message, it takes three tries to type the message correctly cause my fingers keep fumbling, but I finally hit send.

“Sorry! Was hungry, so I got a quick bite to eat. Heading over to the entrance now. I’m wearing a sorta green blue hoodie.”

I turn the final corner in the cafe and the entrance comes into view. I feel like I’m standing on thin ice and my legs freeze in place, too scared to break the ice and fall. My eyes refuse to focus on the table to see what Blue looks like. All I see out of my peripheral vision is someone wearing all black, sitting very...VERY comfortably, slouched in the chair like the cafe was their living room.

But, a familiar voice, the same commanding voice leading hundreds of players in raids from the game snaps my vision into focus.

“So, am I what you expected?”

The ice breaks and I finally see who Blue truly is in real life.

**Blue is a girl.**

Thoughts, like storm clouds swirl through my head unable to process, but the same script plays out deep in my heart -- a forbidden romance story between two friends. Neither willing to admit their affection out of fear, both emotionally drowning in their secrets.

The storm passes and I come to a conclusion that my feelings towards Blue remained the same even if she was some modern day Mulan hiding being the avatar of a man.

Blue is still Blue to me.

“Call it sixth sense, but I came up with a theory that you might be a girl pretending to be a guy. You were totally different from all the other guys playing the game, almost unreal. A man like Blue could only exist in fantasy.”

Blue gets up and slings her backpack over one shoulder, casually placing her hands in her pockets. When we get to the door, she turns around to speak to me while using her butt to push the door open.

“To be fair, I’ve actually never mentioned if I was a girl or a guy. Everyone just assumed I was a guy. It was always weird when girls hit on me and wrote love letters. So fucking stressful, I didn’t know what to do. But, you’re different from them. You treat me like a fellow gamer, not a trophy.”

After hearing Blue’s comment about her feelings towards girls, I nervously slide my hand up over my chest and take a deep breath. Maybe everything Blue had done for me was only out of platonic friendship.

I even my breathing and respond confidently with a smile.

“I’m glad you feel that way!”

On the drive over to the convention center, Blue doesn’t speak much and I find my eyes wandering from the Californian freeway landscape to steal peeks at her face, shoulders, and all the way down to her hands. Blue’s right hand casually grips the steering wheel, the other arm at rest on the edge of the driver’s side door. Even while driving, Blue had a very relaxed style like she didn’t have a care in the world.

I remember in the game, when raids went south, Blue remained calm and relaxed resulting in a victory. She always knew how to solve a problem on the spot under pressure.

After we arrive in downtown, I shuffle through my backpack and prep my camera lenses in case I see any cool cosplay costumes. Walking down the street from the parking lot, I notice Blue trying to open the bag of rice cracker snacks I had given her, but without much success.

This is the first time I’ve seen Blue frustrated. Blue looks over at me, defeated, and holds up her hands to show her nails.

“I never cut my nails once in my life. They’re short cause I nibble on them.”

Without thinking, I take the bag and tear it open with my teeth.

“Don’t worry, I gotcha~”

I hand it back to Blue and she tilts her head back to unload the entire contents of the bag into her mouth, happily chewing the crackers.

On the way to the convention center, I start taking shots of downtown. But, again like the car ride here, I find myself looking at Blue through my camera lens. I secretly snap several shots of her while she’s not paying attention.

Again, Blue’s voice snaps me out of my trance.

“Come on. Stop taking photos of the buildings. There’s probably a buncha’ hot guys inside you can snap pics of.”

My heart skips a beat and the play of the forbidden romance pauses in my head. I attempt to hide my heated face behind my camera in that moment of embarrassment. There must be a way to figure out Blue’s feelings towards me. I want this forbidden romance play to continue.

We enter the convention center and pick up our badges. Blue immediately makes a beeline to the Infinite Phantasia booth. We’ve been playing that game together for the past 5 years. Starting from nothing, Blue worked her way up the rankings vowing to be different from other top rankers. And, that she did. I remind Blue about the first time we met in the game.

“Remember the first time we met in the game? It was about 5 years ago. I was running from some other players trying to kill me. You were in the middle of harvesting some rare ores, but you stopped to help me. Then after that, you kept helping me with everything. You’ve really gained a loyal following from being so down to earth for a top ranking player.”

Blue places both hands in her pockets again and doesn’t even face me to speak. Instead, she focuses on a part of the booth with figurines.

“It’s difficult starting from nothing. I told myself that I’d always go back to help others in need.”

Was Blue speaking about ingame or in real life? Shaking the awkward feeling away, I spot fan-made posters with Blue’s character on it at the booth and squeal in excitement. Without thinking I almost blow her cover.

“Look! Someone drew your chara-...I mean, your favorite character from the game. That top ranking general. He’s hawt.”

Blue slides her hand over the poster in amazement at the artist’s rendition. The artist, proud of her work shows us more fanart of Blue’s Infinite Phantasia character on her tablet. Blue scrolls through them all and immediately follows the artist on social media.

We walk around the convention center trying out upcoming games. Time seems to pass faster when I’m enjoying games with friends. I’m sure Blue can hear the sound of my stomach rumbling like thunder because she brings up the subject of food.

“I remember you said your favorite food was eggs. How about we go to a local diner and grab some 2AM breakfast?”

I’m in shock that Blue remembers my favorite food. I nod in response as I place my hand over my stomach in an attempt to silence it. But, my hand slides up over my beating heart where the forbidden romance story continues to play.

“Do you usually make a habit to remember everyone’s favorite food from an online game?”

Blue shrugs placing her hands in her pockets.

“I remember a lot of things. It’s easy to remember, but difficult to forget.”

Again, I don’t know if Blue is speaking about the game or in real life or both. The smell of bacon hits my nose as we enter the diner and get seated. I squeal and kick my feet under the table as I point to one of the menu items, a giant omelette stuffed with bacon with several kinds of cheese sprinkled on top, perfectly melted.

“OH MY GAWD!”

Blue points at a picture in the menu.

“I’m going to get the veggie scramble. With bacon. Because bacon is a vegetable. Bacon is love. Bacon is life.”

Our food arrives and I have to resist from inhaling my food, plate and all. I watch as Blue takes the bottle of ketchup and draws something resembling a smiley face on her eggs.

“Do you like ketchup too?”

I shrug and look down at my humongous omelete.

“I guess it’s okay?”

Blue stands up in the booth and leans over to squeeze some ketchup on my omelette. After she sits back down and I see a cute heart shape drawn on my omelette. My heart stops for a moment until Blue speaks.

“Since you love eggs so much, I figured the heart shape suited you.”

Blue is about to dig into her food when I stop her.

“Wait, we need to take photos first!”

I snap a photo of both of our omelettes together and post it to social media. Blue has a fork in one hand and a knife in the other. She looks over at me and speaks in a playful tone.

“Permission to inhale omelette?”

I nod my head and stab a fork into my omelette.

“Permission granted. You may proceed to inhale omelette.”

Blue clears her plate faster than me, crumbs and all. After a loud burp, she raises her fork up in victory.

“I win!”

I roll my eyes and finish the last bite off my plate.

“This was a competition?!”

Blue sticks her tongue out at me then raises her right thumb and index finger up to her forehead in the shape of an ‘L’.

The bill comes and Blue tries to grab it, but notices it’s already been paid for. She looks up at me and I stick my tongue out and put my fingers up to my forehead in the shape of an ‘L’ mirroring what she did to me earlier.

“I win.”

Blue’s jaw somewhat drops in surprised defeat as she pushes the bill receipt back to my side of the table.

The next two days of the gaming convention pass by in the blink of an eye. Blue offers to drop me off at the airport. On the drive over, it suddenly hits me -- I’m the only person in the world that knows Blue is a girl in real life. And, I didn’t care at all that she was a girl, I still had feelings for her.

All those times we went on duo missions together in the game felt like dates. Everytime she gifted me expensive items and secretly gave me in-game birthday presents and told me not to tell anyone else I felt special. I really felt like there was something more between us. But, was Blue just roleplaying or was it real?

“I’ve been wanting to ask this, but am I what you expected?”

Blue focuses on the road, but her mouth quirks up a bit as she considers her response to my question.

“Eh, to be honest, when I first met you I thought you were a dude playing a female avatar. You know the acronym G.I.R.L? Guy In Real Life.”

I break out laughing at Blue’s response. It was too true that most gamers playing female avatars were males. The irony in all this was that Blue was a female gamer trying to hide behind the avatar of a male.

Blue continues.

“But, even after it was revealed you were a girl nothing changed for me. I really enjoyed duo-ing missions with you and exploring uncharted territories. I felt bad whenever you failed to get item drops and I’d make sure to remember to buy it as a gift for you. Sometimes you’d login after a bad day at work, and I just wanted to cheer you up. ”

Blue takes a deep breath and continues.

“I like--”

The car stops. Blue pauses mid sentence and she’s staring forward and casually glancing into the rear-view mirror, both hands gripping the steering wheel. She’s biting the skin on her lower lip, refusing to look in my direction. I wonder what she was trying to say before the car stopped?

“I like playing the game with you and I’m trusting you to not tell anyone who I am. You’re the first and only person who’s seen me in real life.”

I take a bag of rice crackers from my backpack and rip it open with my teeth. I offer it to Blue who is slightly glancing over now looking at the bag of snacks.

“You have my word.”

Blue’s hands finally leave the steering wheel and her shoulders relax as she takes the snack. She looks around the car, double-checking to see if I had forgotten anything.

“Don’t forget anything.”

I gather my belongings and step out of the car. The curtains start to close on the forbidden romance story playing in my heart.

No, this isn’t how I want my story to end. We can’t both drown in our emotions, one of us has to swim to the top and save the other. I have to survive, I have to swim to the top. I have to make the first move.

“If I forget something, it just gives you an excuse to come visit me in Hawaii. You should really come visit Ichigo and me one day.”

I close the door and wave goodbye to Blue. She rolls the passenger side window down and jokes at me with a smirk.

“Well then you better accidently forget something so I have an excuse to visit you.”

I set my backpack on the sidewalk before taking off my favorite green hoodie, tossing it through the passenger’s side window. Surprisingly, Blue catches it with one hand as expected from a gamer with fast reflexes. She yells four words to me in Chinese before driving away from the terminal.

“It’s a good luck blessing for travelers. May your journey home follow the path of the wind. Goodbye Red~”

I wave goodbye to Blue and stay outside until I can’t see her car anymore.

“It’s so cold without my favorite zip-up hoodie.”

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Xekstrin for helping me organize this story.
> 
> Story inspired by Amy Wu's movie "Saving Face".


End file.
